Politics and divorce have a lot in common when you think about it. There are two different sides, an array of commentators, and the parties exhibit entrenched thinking from which they find it nearly impossible to budge. Luckily, there are some moments of cooperation in both politics and divorce—and there’s no reason why there can’t be more.

My colleagues and fellow bloggers, Drs. Lauren Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman, recently wrote that one of the biggest obstacles to coming to an agreement in divorce or politics is catastrophizing—responding to something perceived as negative with an “end-of-the-world” mentality. People engaged in politics may see the election of a new president as an ominous sign that their very way of life is in danger. Likewise, parenting plans and support schedules can make someone who is a party to a divorce feel as if their way of life is ending.

Continue reading

{3:56 minute to read}  As a family law attorney and a mediator who is committed to helping my clients stay out of court and resolve their issues with as little animosity as possible, I’m very interested in studying positivity, resilience, and ways to build on people’s strengths. In addition to always having a book or two going on one of these topics, I subscribe to a number of podcasts and blogs that I can rely on to provide me with new ideas, inspiration, and tools to achieve the right mindset to be the best mediator and lawyer I can be. Here are the top five that are currently in heavy rotation on my reading and play lists:

Blog: Hey Sigmund

Hey Sigmund is a psychology blog that features research-based, but easy-to-read articles that help readers “Master the art of being human.” Continue reading

{3 minutes to read} Recently, I was the mediator for a couple that was experiencing significant obstacles in reaching their divorce agreement. One of the parties was furious at the other for wanting the divorce, and he was finding it very difficult to move past his anger. Luckily there was a very powerful force working in favor of finding a resolution: Time.

Continue reading

The is the second article in a series focused on Why Court Should Be the Last Resort For Your Divorce. If you’d like a copy of the infographic that tells you more, click here.

Join me as we continue to examine the myriad reasons why you may want to reconsider the idea of having “your day in court.”  Maintaining control and flexibility over your life and the divorce process are just 2 of those reasons.  Continue reading

The is the first article in a series focused on Why Court Should Be the Last Resort For Your Divorce. If you’d like a copy of the infographic that tells you more, click here.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

If you get into an argument with someone, does it do you any good to dwell on it for the rest of the day or the week or the year? Most people would agree that revisiting the argument over and over again serves no purpose other than to compromise their productivity and the quality of their life. It’s common sense. Focusing instead on the present and the future, on the rest of the day, enables you to go back to being your best self. Eventually, you will forget about the argument—and perhaps even try to mend fences with the other party.     

Continue reading

As a mediator and collaborative lawyer, I attract clients whose main priority is to come to an amicable agreement. What I want them to understand is that an amicable agreement does equal a vague agreement. We need to balance the desire for an amicable divorce negotiation with the need to create an agreement that will allow the couple to live amicably long after the divorce is finalized.

Divorce agreements are living documents; my clients are going to keep it alive by turning to it for answers, well into the foreseeable future. A good agreement is therefore a durable agreement.

Continue reading

I have written before about the benefits of mindfulness and conscious coupling. In this blog I focus on the mindfulness of the attorney or mediator who is working with the couple. Let’s call it “conscious lawyering.”

For a couple considering divorce, the process is going to involve uncomfortable feelings and situations. As a collaborative lawyer or mediator, I am part of that process, too. So the first step to conscious lawyering is taking care of myself; by being mindful of my own emotions and reactions at the negotiating table, and by being able to look at a situation objectively with a wider lens.

Continue reading

 

This is a continuation of my previous post that explored what a “simple” prenuptial agreement looks like and when a more complex agreement may be needed. In this post we move beyond the basics of separate property and marital property to explore four more specific areas that a prenup can help clarify and solidify: distribution of marital property, real estate, spousal support, and estate rights.

Distribution of Marital Property

In New York State an asset earned during the marriage is considered marital property to be divided equitably. Keep in mind that “equitable” does not necessarily mean “equal.” Much litigation has ensued over how assets are to be divided. Prenups can be helpful because it allows a couple to make this determination at the beginning of the marriage. Many couples simply agree in their prenup that all marital assets will be divided equally. Others agree that those assets will be divided according to another set percentage. While still others agree that the division of the marital assets will change according to the length of marriage or other conditions.  

Real Estate

Real estate is often a big issue in many prenups because of the many ways that separate property and marital property are combined to purchase and/or maintain real estate. For example, a couple may purchase a home during the marriage (which is assumed to be marital property), with one or both spouses contributing a significant sum of his or her premarital money to the down payment. In this situation, the prenuptial agreement should make it clear that a spouse who makes a down payment will be entitled to a credit for that investment and what that credit will be. But will it be a dollar-for-dollar return on that investment, or will it be based on the increase in value of the home?

Some other questions I will ask about real estate include:

  • If you own your home prior to your marriage and you plan to live there as a married couple, will the mortgage and other carrying costs be paid from marital property or separate property?
  • If the marriage ends, how soon afterwards will the non-titled spouse need to vacate the home? Will the time frame be different if the couple has had children?
  • What will happen to the home if there is a divorce? Will it be sold?  How will the proceeds be divided? Will one person have the right to buy out the other?

Spousal Support

Prenups often address spousal support in one of these 3 ways:

  1. Both parties waive spousal support under all circumstances; or
  2. Spousal support is waived unless there are children and one of the spouses has stopped working to care for them; or
  3. The couple agrees in advance that specific spousal support amounts will be paid based on the length of the marriage, or the amount of assets being divided or some other terms.

Prenups become less “simple” as we move down that list.

Estate Rights

Your prenup can also specify how you will share property after one spouse dies. The simplest prenups just reiterate the law, which in New York means that a surviving spouse will receive his or her “elective share” of the other spouse’s assets. More complex prenups will specifically state that the deceased spouse’s separate property will not be shared upon death — or they may have a different scheme if the couple has children or if the death occurs while the couple is still married but has already decided to divorce.

A prenup is the perfect way to avoid having a judge make all of these decisions for you if your marriage ends with a divorce or there is a death. A qualified attorney will go through all the issues and ask all the questions that you might not ask yourself (or your future spouse), so that you can make sure the prenup protects both of you. It is what I call “conscious coupling,” and I consider it a sign of a strong marriage to come; it shows that you have foresight, are able to communicate with each other, and can deal with uncomfortable topics—the perfect practice for marriage.

To get started with a lawyer who has many years of experience drafting successful prenuptial agreements, and who will ask the questions you do not know to ask, contact us today.

Andrea Vacca

570 Lexington Avenue, Suite 1600
New York, NY 10022
avacca@vaccalaw.com

Continue reading

It’s wedding season, and in addition to checking the typical wedding-related tasks off the to-do list, many soon-to-be newlyweds are reaching out to lawyers like me to draft prenuptial agreements. And one of the most common things they tell me is: “We just need a simple prenup.”

For the people who truly want a “simple” prenup, I have good news: You may not actually need one. A simple prenup may simply mean that you will be signing up to do exactly what the law dictates for divorcing spouses. So what does the law mandate?

Continue reading

Divorce litigation is expensive; everyone knows that. But did you know that if your attorneys don’t get along, the cost will be 20% higher?  

I was struck when I heard that fact mentioned at a panel discussion on the topic of what mediation clients can expect if they end up in court. One of the panel members was a Supreme Court referee who handles matrimonial cases; she mentioned a survey that showed that if your attorneys are fighting with each other for the sake of fighting, you and your spouse are going to pay this significantly higher cost.

Attorneys who don’t get along are likely to be inconsiderate of each other and will deny what may seem seem like reasonable requests to yousuch as requests to change a deposition or court date due to a work conflict you may have, or give extensions of time to hand over the extensive amount of documents they’ve requested. If your attorneys are hostile toward each other, you can be sure that your divorce will take much longer than it should and you and your spouse will experience greater conflict with each other. Unfortunately, some clients actually think paying the financial and emotional costs associated with this kind of behavior is a necessary sacrifice; they figure if their attorneys cooperate with each other, then they can’t really be advocating for them.

Continue reading