Divorce Considerations During the Coronavirus Crisis | Divorce Attorney Andrea Vacca | Vacca Family Law Group

In any divorce, there are 3 key stages: the first divorce consideration is the decision about whether to divorce, the second is moving forward through the divorce process you’ve chosen, and the third is finalizing the details of the divorce. This is true whether you’re divorcing at a time when the outside world is relatively stable or whether you’re moving through the process when there’s a global pandemic.

Regardless of where you may be in your divorce process, here are some tips for how to adjust to a constantly shifting environment and the timelines, expectations and assumptions you may have been counting on before the world was put on pause.

1. Deciding Whether to Divorce: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Vacca Family Law Group’s Virtual Office is Open For Business _ Andrea Vacca New York Divorce and Family Law Attorney | Vacca Family Law Group

With the well-being of our staff, our clients and our community as our top priority, the team at Vacca Family Law Group is working from home while the Covid-19 state of emergency restrictions are in place. Our virtual office is open for normal business hours and our team has the technology and resources to work remotely and continue to serve our clients during this time. That means you can schedule a video or telephone consultation with one of our attorneys or mediators to discuss your matter with the utmost discretion, privacy and flexibility. 

Contact Vacca Family Law Group at 212.768.1115 or click here to discuss how we can assist you during this difficult time.

New York collaborative divorce and mediation lawyer Andrea Vacca spoke to Marysol Castro of Pix11 Morning News and was asked whether there really is a divorce season (the answer is YES!) and to offer some divorce tips for how to navigate the early stages of divorce. Thanks to Elizabeth Martin for sharing her divorce story. 

WATCH: NYC Divorce Attorney Andrea Vacca: How to Navigate the Early Stages of Divorce

https://youtu.be/_pDMrcvdmEs

Find out why millennials are the fastest-growing group of people are asking for prenuptial agreements and some issues to consider if you think a prenup may be something you need.

 WATCH: 5 Issues To Consider If You’re Thinking About a Prenup by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://youtu.be/8KFHQEANrjg

If you are one of the millions of people who got engaged on Valentine’s Day: Congratulations! It may feel too soon to start talking about the details of your actual wedding, but I can assure you that it’s never too early to start talking about a prenuptial agreement. That’s because talking about a prenup is a financial and emotional conversation that’s only going to get more difficult the closer you get to the wedding day. During this early stage of your engagement, you and your fiancé are likely to be in alignment on the future that you plan to have together. That makes this the perfect time to talk about what a marriage and an economic partnership mean to each of you based on your respective values, goals and ideas around money. Starting the prenup process early helps to treat your future relationship with the respect that it’s due.

That’s not to say it won’t be uncomfortable to have this conversation. But, being uncomfortable for the sake of your relationship is one of the most romantic things you can do. If you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll believe Stassi Schroeder from Vanderpump Rules “I feel like people look at that as like a dirty thing that we shouldn’t talk about, but it’s honestly, I feel like there is some romanticism to it and being able to be so close to someone that you’re willing to have those uncomfortable conversations.”

If you’re convinced that this is something you need to start thinking about now, then you may be wondering:

If you are afraid to tell your spouse you want a divorce because you are not sure that the risks are going to outweigh the rewards then this video is for you.

WATCH: 3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Wait to Say You Want a Divorce by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://youtu.be/zHmSb4Y4wNU

When someone is first thinking about filing for divorce, they don’t often think about the lack of privacy that comes with the traditional divorce process. In New York, courtrooms are open to everyone.  Reporters may be in the courtroom, neighbors may be in the courtroom, parents from your kid’s school may be in the courtroom… you get it. An open courtroom means anyone can walk in, sit down and listen to all the gory details of your life. 

And if you’re a prominent person in any way, your story may end up on Page Six. Take, for example, the divorce of ex-New York Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and financier Gabrielle Greene. Their attorneys may claim this is a “private” matter, yet they’ve chosen to litigate the matter in New York State Supreme Court and are scheduled to appear in court in 2 weeks. This divorce will be anything but private. 

Another recent prominent divorce involves the Dixie Chicks’ Natalie Maines. Look at the information made public in this case. In addition to disclosing the fact that her monthly expenses total approximately $50,000 per month and include $23,000 per month for her mortgage alone, we now know the values of her: 

In the blog 7 Tips for Putting Children First in a Divorce, I discussed how to have a child-centered divorce and the benefits to children. The other side of the equation is the common mistakes that parents make when they put their needs ahead of the children’s needs. 

1. Parents Making Assumptions that are NOT in Their Child’s Best Interest:

If you don’t purposely and intentionally keep the children’s needs as your top priority during the divorce, they can get lost in the process. For example, some parents recall their own experience as children of divorce and impose their feelings on their children. Don’t make assumptions. While being mindful of the difficult divorce you lived through as a child can make you more empathetic to what your children may experience, remember that your experiences and feelings may also keep you from being open to what would be best for YOUR children. For example, just because you felt that it was too hard for you to move back and forth between your parents’ homes after their divorce, start with a fresh slate, so to speak, and consider what might be best for your children. This not only means considering your kids’ unique personalities, but also the co-parenting relationship you plan to have with your soon-to-be-ex and the possibilities for your new housing arrangements. For your children, going back and forth often between two homes might be better than being away from one of their parents for an extended period. Only after you get advice about your situation and understand what your children need, should you make these decisions.

A child-centered divorce is a divorce where the parents keep the physical and emotional needs of their children as their primary concern. In a child-centered divorce, every decision the parents make is through that lens – How will this affect our children? What is important to our kids, now and in the future? Most parents intend to do what is best for their children, but their perspectives may be different. Wise parents understand that they may not know what is best for their children in this situation because they may not have ever gone through a divorce before.

Here are some tips for putting children first in a divorce to protect your children from the adverse effects of your divorce and to keep their best interest at the top of your list of priorities.

  1. Tell the Children About the Divorce Together: 

Feeling resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Are you going through divorce and feeling resentment toward your spouse or your situation?

WATCH: How to Let Go of Resentment in Your Divorce by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC3ZQtMyw8A&t=1s