Feeling resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Are you going through divorce and feeling resentment toward your spouse or your situation?

WATCH: How to Let Go of Resentment in Your Divorce by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC3ZQtMyw8A&t=1s

New eBook by Andrea Vacca: Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution

Do you assume divorce pits one spouse against the other, resulting in a nasty battle where no one actually wins and children are the collateral damage?

When most people think of divorce, they envision a courtroom slugfest and a process that drags on for years, resulting in serious financial problems, unhappy children, and lifelong resentment towards their spouse.

Part 1 of our 3 part series on holiday planning during divorce focused on putting your children first. In Part 2, we focused on creative solutions to celebrate the holidays that are available through the collaborative process. Here in Part 3, we have some thoughts on putting your children first during the holidays after your divorce is final.

You may have come to a final written settlement agreement with your ex-spouse and maybe you’re already officially divorced, but your work as a parent to make sure your child’s holidays are happy is not finished. Here are some helpful suggestions for handling the holidays post-divorce.

Handling The Holidays Post-Divorce

If a couple decides to resolve their divorce using the collaborative divorce process, they will have the benefit of working together and with a team to develop their short and long-term holiday plans. In New York, families who work within the collaborative divorce process sit down and discuss the holidays with their family specialist, who serves as a child specialist and a coach for the parties’ communication. When the parties use the collaborative divorce process, the family specialist will help them look at a variety of options for their time with the children. The family specialist can advise the parents what the best options will be to help the children (and often the parents) have the healthiest parenting time arrangement going forward. This conversation is not going to be a legal conversation. Generally, the lawyers aren’t even involved unless there’s a real sticky situation, which is not that common in the collaborative divorce process. The lawyers give some overall guidance to their clients, but because they are working with family specialists who the lawyers know well and trust, the entire experience for the parents and usually the children is very different from that in a litigated divorce. In the collaborative divorce process, the focus is on the children and in the end, that usually is more beneficial to the parents, too. 

Part 1 of our 3 part series on holiday planning during divorce focused on putting your children first. Here, in Part 2, we focus on creative solutions to celebrate the holidays that are available through the collaborative process.

Creative Solutions

For most people, the holiday season is the happiest of times, but for families in the middle of a divorce or after the conclusion of a divorce, this season can be the toughest. Parents often say their top goal in the divorce is that the children’s lives don’t change. But realistically, whether because of divorce or other circumstances, children’s lives do change. If parents can take care of themselves so that their own pain from the divorce is not the overriding shadow darkening the holidays, they can use this time as one of the greatest teaching moments as parents. For this reason, we have put together a 3-part holiday planning series to help divorcing or divorced parents navigate the holidays with as much ease and joy as possible. 

Here, in Part 1, we focus on families who are in the middle of the divorce process or have only just recently decided to end their marriage. This can be a tricky time because when you’re in the early or middle stages of divorce, a final agreement has not been reached and finalized. 

Like so much of a family’s life during this time, everything, including the holidays, feels like it is in suspense. In a pending divorce, when parents are preparing for and attending meetings with their attorneys and other divorce professionals, the process can leave them feeling overwhelmed with their day-to-day lives. Suddenly, one of the holidays is just around the corner and it hits them: what are we doing this year? Here are some holiday planning considerations for parents in the middle of a divorce.

Recently, I was interviewed on the TUFF LOVE podcast with Robert Kandell about The Radical Change of Gender Dynamics in Modern Divorce to discuss my practice as a Collaborative Divorce Lawyer & Mediator. Listen to the podcast, and learn why I am passionate about non-adversarial divorce:

  • What led me to practice divorce law
  • How to have a non-adversarial divorce

I recently contributed to a Your Tango article Forget Prenups: Here’s Why You and Your Spouse Should Have a Postnuptial Agreement Instead. Unlike a prenup, postnuptial agreements are negotiated without the duress of a wedding day looming. Instead, they are negotiated when a couple is able to discuss their goals reasonably and calmly.

The major benefit of a postnuptial agreement

Vacca Family Law Group Named to 2019 Law Firm 500 | Andrea Vacca | Vacca Family Law Group

Vacca Family Law Group is honored to announce that our law firm has been named a 2019 Law Firm 500 Honoree, awarded to the Fastest Growing Law Firms in the US. We ranked 67 with a growth rate of 72%. We appreciate the support of our clients and colleagues who helped us get where we are today.

Our law firm is committed to helping our clients put their families first and dissolve their marriages without litigation. In addition to working with clients who have decided to end their marriage but are looking for a better way, we work with couples to create prenuptial agreements that plan for a healthy marriage. With discretion, elevated service and a flexible approach, we specialize in finding creative (and sometimes unconventional) solutions that are right for each client’s unique situation.

Andrea Vacca, founder of the Vacca Family Law Group, said,

Dear Clients, Colleagues, and Friends,

I am pleased to announce an exciting new chapter for our law firm. Effective August 1, 2019, Vacca Law & Mediation has become Vacca Family Law Group.

This change reflects our law firm’s commitment to help our clients put their families first and dissolve their marriages without litigation. We work with couples to create prenuptial agreements that plan for a healthy marriage, and with couples who have decided to end their marriage but are looking for a better way. With discretion, elevated service and a flexible approach, we specialize in finding creative (and sometimes unconventional) solutions that are right for each client’s unique situation.

Divorce in New York can be expensive and this is especially true if there are complicated issues involved regarding finances or your children. But there are things you can do to keep the costs down.

I recently contributed to a Forbes Next Avenue article 8 Ways to Lower the Cost of a Divorce. The article makes it clear that with planning and some DIY homework, you can lower the attorney fees for your divorce.

In addition to the 8 tips in the article, I would add these as well: