Articles Posted in Collaborative Law

Andrea Vacca on THe Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
I was interviewed on the Kate Anthony Divorce Survival Podcast about how Collaborative Divorce offers a way to bring respect to the divorce process and work with professionals who model the behavior you wish to express. In the end, everyone’s going to be better off; you, your spouse, and most importantly, your children:

We discuss Collaborative Divorce as a process that includes creating a roadmap for your divorce and specifically details the jobs for each member of the team, including:

  1. How you will be working together

If you are afraid to tell your spouse you want a divorce because you are not sure that the risks are going to outweigh the rewards then this video is for you.

WATCH: 3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Wait to Say You Want a Divorce by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://youtu.be/zHmSb4Y4wNU

When someone is first thinking about filing for divorce, they don’t often think about the lack of privacy that comes with the traditional divorce process. In New York, courtrooms are open to everyone.  Reporters may be in the courtroom, neighbors may be in the courtroom, parents from your kid’s school may be in the courtroom… you get it. An open courtroom means anyone can walk in, sit down and listen to all the gory details of your life. 

And if you’re a prominent person in any way, your story may end up on Page Six. Take, for example, the divorce of ex-New York Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and financier Gabrielle Greene. Their attorneys may claim this is a “private” matter, yet they’ve chosen to litigate the matter in New York State Supreme Court and are scheduled to appear in court in 2 weeks. This divorce will be anything but private. 

Another recent prominent divorce involves the Dixie Chicks’ Natalie Maines. Look at the information made public in this case. In addition to disclosing the fact that her monthly expenses total approximately $50,000 per month and include $23,000 per month for her mortgage alone, we now know the values of her: 

A child-centered divorce is a divorce where the parents keep the physical and emotional needs of their children as their primary concern. In a child-centered divorce, every decision the parents make is through that lens – How will this affect our children? What is important to our kids, now and in the future? Most parents intend to do what is best for their children, but their perspectives may be different. Wise parents understand that they may not know what is best for their children in this situation because they may not have ever gone through a divorce before.

Here are some tips for putting children first in a divorce to protect your children from the adverse effects of your divorce and to keep their best interest at the top of your list of priorities.

  1. Tell the Children About the Divorce Together: 

Feeling resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Are you going through divorce and feeling resentment toward your spouse or your situation?

WATCH: How to Let Go of Resentment in Your Divorce by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC3ZQtMyw8A&t=1s

New eBook by Andrea Vacca: Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution

Do you assume divorce pits one spouse against the other, resulting in a nasty battle where no one actually wins and children are the collateral damage?

When most people think of divorce, they envision a courtroom slugfest and a process that drags on for years, resulting in serious financial problems, unhappy children, and lifelong resentment towards their spouse.

If a couple decides to resolve their divorce using the collaborative divorce process, they will have the benefit of working together and with a team to develop their short and long-term holiday plans. In New York, families who work within the collaborative divorce process sit down and discuss the holidays with their family specialist, who serves as a child specialist and a coach for the parties’ communication. When the parties use the collaborative divorce process, the family specialist will help them look at a variety of options for their time with the children. The family specialist can advise the parents what the best options will be to help the children (and often the parents) have the healthiest parenting time arrangement going forward. This conversation is not going to be a legal conversation. Generally, the lawyers aren’t even involved unless there’s a real sticky situation, which is not that common in the collaborative divorce process. The lawyers give some overall guidance to their clients, but because they are working with family specialists who the lawyers know well and trust, the entire experience for the parents and usually the children is very different from that in a litigated divorce. In the collaborative divorce process, the focus is on the children and in the end, that usually is more beneficial to the parents, too. 

Part 1 of our 3 part series on holiday planning during divorce focused on putting your children first. Here, in Part 2, we focus on creative solutions to celebrate the holidays that are available through the collaborative process.

Creative Solutions

Recently, I was interviewed on the TUFF LOVE podcast with Robert Kandell about The Radical Change of Gender Dynamics in Modern Divorce to discuss my practice as a Collaborative Divorce Lawyer & Mediator. Listen to the podcast, and learn why I am passionate about non-adversarial divorce:

  • What led me to practice divorce law
  • How to have a non-adversarial divorce

As a collaborative divorce lawyer in New York, headlines announcing the Bezos divorce settlement gave me hope for the future of divorce – and the future of marriages in the US. 

Since the news first made headlines in January that Jeff Bezos and his with MacKenzie were divorcing after 25 years of marriage, the pundits have been obsessing about how this would affect Amazon. As the founder and CEO of Amazon, the most valuable company on Wall Street, and the world’s richest person, this is the ultimate high net worth, high public profile divorce.

Read My Full Article on LinkedIn…

Baby Boomer divorce rates continue to be above the average with one in every four divorces occurring in this age group. When I first wrote about so-called “grey divorce” (also referred to as ‘gray divorce’) in 2012, the overall divorce rate was going down, while the rate of divorce for people born between 1946 and 1964 already had a divorce rate triple that of their parents.

In 2019, those statistics are holding true. Grey divorce is a divorce that occurs after the age of 50. While the divorce rate across all age groups holds steady, the number of 50+ aged grey divorces in the United States has recently dramatically increased and today 1 in 4 people are going through grey divorce.

Grey divorce expert Jocelyn Elise Crowley states,