Articles Posted in Collaborative Law

Feeling resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Are you going through divorce and feeling resentment toward your spouse or your situation?

WATCH: How to Let Go of Resentment in Your Divorce by Family Law Attorney Andrea Vacca

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC3ZQtMyw8A&t=1s

New eBook by Andrea Vacca: Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution

Do you assume divorce pits one spouse against the other, resulting in a nasty battle where no one actually wins and children are the collateral damage?

When most people think of divorce, they envision a courtroom slugfest and a process that drags on for years, resulting in serious financial problems, unhappy children, and lifelong resentment towards their spouse.

If a couple decides to resolve their divorce using the collaborative divorce process, they will have the benefit of working together and with a team to develop their short and long-term holiday plans. In New York, families who work within the collaborative divorce process sit down and discuss the holidays with their family specialist, who serves as a child specialist and a coach for the parties’ communication. When the parties use the collaborative divorce process, the family specialist will help them look at a variety of options for their time with the children. The family specialist can advise the parents what the best options will be to help the children (and often the parents) have the healthiest parenting time arrangement going forward. This conversation is not going to be a legal conversation. Generally, the lawyers aren’t even involved unless there’s a real sticky situation, which is not that common in the collaborative divorce process. The lawyers give some overall guidance to their clients, but because they are working with family specialists who the lawyers know well and trust, the entire experience for the parents and usually the children is very different from that in a litigated divorce. In the collaborative divorce process, the focus is on the children and in the end, that usually is more beneficial to the parents, too. 

Part 1 of our 3 part series on holiday planning during divorce focused on putting your children first. Here, in Part 2, we focus on creative solutions to celebrate the holidays that are available through the collaborative process.

Creative Solutions

Recently, I was interviewed on the TUFF LOVE podcast with Robert Kandell about The Radical Change of Gender Dynamics in Modern Divorce to discuss my practice as a Collaborative Divorce Lawyer & Mediator. Listen to the podcast, and learn why I am passionate about non-adversarial divorce:

  • What led me to practice divorce law
  • How to have a non-adversarial divorce

As a collaborative divorce lawyer in New York, headlines announcing the Bezos divorce settlement gave me hope for the future of divorce – and the future of marriages in the US. 

Since the news first made headlines in January that Jeff Bezos and his with MacKenzie were divorcing after 25 years of marriage, the pundits have been obsessing about how this would affect Amazon. As the founder and CEO of Amazon, the most valuable company on Wall Street, and the world’s richest person, this is the ultimate high net worth, high public profile divorce.

Read My Full Article on LinkedIn…

Baby Boomer divorce rates continue to be above the average with one in every four divorces occurring in this age group. When I first wrote about so-called “grey divorce” (also referred to as ‘gray divorce’) in 2012, the overall divorce rate was going down, while the rate of divorce for people born between 1946 and 1964 already had a divorce rate triple that of their parents.

In 2019, those statistics are holding true. Grey divorce is a divorce that occurs after the age of 50. While the divorce rate across all age groups holds steady, the number of 50+ aged grey divorces in the United States has recently dramatically increased and today 1 in 4 people are going through grey divorce.

Grey divorce expert Jocelyn Elise Crowley states,

We loiter in winter when it is already spring. 

– Henry David Thoreau

Navigating a divorce is not easy and I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise. But I will tell you that where you choose to place your focus can have a real impact on your well-being during this difficult time.

In our last blog post, we explained what each member of the collaborative divorce team does, However, because collaborative divorce is relatively new when compared to traditional, litigated divorce and mediation, there are some misconceptions and myths about how the process works and whether choosing a collaborative divorce is a smart decision.

Here are some common myths about collaborative divorce – and the real facts!

1. My legal interests aren’t protected unless I go to court. 

On January 1, 2019, I became the new President of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP). In this blog, I reflect back on my journey to becoming a collaborative attorney and look toward my goals as President of the leading organization of collaborative divorce professionals in the New York metropolitan area. 

The fact that I’m taking on this new role in 2019 means a lot to me. Exactly 10 years ago, my 2009 New Year’s resolution was that I would stop taking new litigated divorce cases and I would work, instead, with clients who were committed to resolving their family law matters outside of court. 

Ironically, when I was in law school I thought I wanted to be a litigator. I also knew that I wanted to work with people as opposed to corporations. My parents had a difficult marriage and divorced when I was in college, which led me to be fascinated by family dynamics. I naturally gravitated toward family law classes in law school. 

Recent headlines in newspapers, magazines and on television proclaim that millennials are causing lower divorce rates than previous generations, in large part because of what they have seen in their own parents’ divorces and how divorce has traditionally been portrayed in the media.

Millennials are Causing the US Divorce Rate to Plummet – CBS News

You Can Thank Millennials for the Declining Divorce Rate, Study Says – Huffington Post