Articles Posted in Divorce

For most people, the holiday season is the happiest of times, but for families in the middle of a divorce or after the conclusion of a divorce, this season can be the toughest. Parents often say their top goal in the divorce is that the children’s lives don’t change. But realistically, whether because of divorce or other circumstances, children’s lives do change. If parents can take care of themselves so that their own pain from the divorce is not the overriding shadow darkening the holidays, they can use this time as one of the greatest teaching moments as parents. For this reason, we have put together a 3-part holiday planning series to help divorcing or divorced parents navigate the holidays with as much ease and joy as possible. 

Here, in Part 1, we focus on families who are in the middle of the divorce process or have only just recently decided to end their marriage. This can be a tricky time because when you’re in the early or middle stages of divorce, a final agreement has not been reached and finalized. 

Like so much of a family’s life during this time, everything, including the holidays, feels like it is in suspense. In a pending divorce, when parents are preparing for and attending meetings with their attorneys and other divorce professionals, the process can leave them feeling overwhelmed with their day-to-day lives. Suddenly, one of the holidays is just around the corner and it hits them: what are we doing this year? Here are some holiday planning considerations for parents in the middle of a divorce.

Recently, I was interviewed on the TUFF LOVE podcast with Robert Kandell about The Radical Change of Gender Dynamics in Modern Divorce to discuss my practice as a Collaborative Divorce Lawyer & Mediator. Listen to the podcast, and learn why I am passionate about non-adversarial divorce:

  • What led me to practice divorce law
  • How to have a non-adversarial divorce

Vacca Family Law Group Named to 2019 Law Firm 500 | Andrea Vacca | Vacca Family Law Group

Vacca Family Law Group is honored to announce that our law firm has been named a 2019 Law Firm 500 Honoree, awarded to the Fastest Growing Law Firms in the US. We ranked 67 with a growth rate of 72%. We appreciate the support of our clients and colleagues who helped us get where we are today.

Our law firm is committed to helping our clients put their families first and dissolve their marriages without litigation. In addition to working with clients who have decided to end their marriage but are looking for a better way, we work with couples to create prenuptial agreements that plan for a healthy marriage. With discretion, elevated service and a flexible approach, we specialize in finding creative (and sometimes unconventional) solutions that are right for each client’s unique situation.

Andrea Vacca, founder of the Vacca Family Law Group, said,

Divorce in New York can be expensive and this is especially true if there are complicated issues involved regarding finances or your children. But there are things you can do to keep the costs down.

I recently contributed to a Forbes Next Avenue article 8 Ways to Lower the Cost of a Divorce. The article makes it clear that with planning and some DIY homework, you can lower the attorney fees for your divorce.

In addition to the 8 tips in the article, I would add these as well:

In most divorces, both spouses are aware that the marriage is ending and they decide what process they will use to reach an agreement, such as using mediation or the collaborative process. In other divorces, however, there has not been a meeting of the minds. While one spouse has been contemplating ending the marriage for months or even years, the other spouse seems to have no idea how bad things have gotten and your spouse doesn’t want to end the marriage.

I hear about these situations quite often. Let’s say it’s the wife who wants the divorce and she feels she has tried repeatedly to get her husband to work with her to resolve the problems in the marriage. For whatever reason, nothing has changed and the wife is now ready to do whatever she needs to do to get out of her unhappy marriage.

Perhaps she was referred to an attorney who represented a friend in her divorce. And the attorney tells her that she can start a court action, have the husband served with a Summons with Notice in an Action for Divorce and he will then have no choice but to deal with the situation.

We loiter in winter when it is already spring. 

– Henry David Thoreau

Navigating a divorce is not easy and I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise. But I will tell you that where you choose to place your focus can have a real impact on your well-being during this difficult time.

In our last blog post, we explained what each member of the collaborative divorce team does, However, because collaborative divorce is relatively new when compared to traditional, litigated divorce and mediation, there are some misconceptions and myths about how the process works and whether choosing a collaborative divorce is a smart decision.

Here are some common myths about collaborative divorce – and the real facts!

1. My legal interests aren’t protected unless I go to court. 

If you’re considering divorce, one of your many decisions will be what kind of divorce is best for you. There are three main types of divorce:

Collaboration

Collaborative divorce helps divorcing couples come to a mutually agreed upon, negotiated settlement without the threat of court. It offers a civilized, solutions-based approach to ending a relationship. Based upon consideration and respect, collaborative divorce also keeps a divorcing or separating couple in control of the process—rather than giving that control over to a judge.

Recent headlines in newspapers, magazines and on television proclaim that millennials are causing lower divorce rates than previous generations, in large part because of what they have seen in their own parents’ divorces and how divorce has traditionally been portrayed in the media.

Millennials are Causing the US Divorce Rate to Plummet – CBS News

You Can Thank Millennials for the Declining Divorce Rate, Study Says – Huffington Post

A divorce coach is often a vital, but perhaps lesser known, member of the team you will be putting together as you move forward with your divorce. I recommend divorce coaches in all my cases because they help my clients get clear on their goals and concerns, communicate more effectively, advocate for themselves more productively, and not get trapped in the same dysfunctional patterns of behavior with their spouse that was ever-present during their marriage.

Divorce coaches help people to get through their divorce process. Divorce coaching is not therapy or counseling, it is support and guidance for someone going through divorce so they can make better decisions instead of emotional decisions:

  • communicate more effectively with your spouse and attorney