When a couple divorces, it is usually the case that neither party gets everything he or she wants. Understanding and accepting this fact before you start the divorce process can help make the process less costly – both financially and emotionally.
One of the many things I have learned from my family law clients over the past 20+ years is that when they strive for an outcome (whether via agreement or court order) that provides them with everything they want, they are inevitably disappointed. Perfection is not achievable in life and it’s certainly not achievable in divorce. Instead, I encourage my clients to think about what a “good enough” outcome would look like.
For example, if we’re talking about spousal support – How much money per month do you really need or can you afford to pay? What are the most realistic options that are available to you now that there will be two households instead of one? Many times sketching the financial picture makes people cringe – especially if they’re being told things that they don’t want to hear, such as “You have too much debt,” or “You’re going to have to return to work.” But sometimes there is no way around these facts. It’s better to accept reality and work within those parameters, rather than to strive for an outcome that may look perfect to you but will leave your soon-to-be ex (and perhaps the children) suffering terribly.