Articles Tagged with divorce agreements

The is the first article in a series focused on Why Court Should Be the Last Resort For Your Divorce. If you’d like a copy of the infographic that tells you more, click here.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

If you get into an argument with someone, does it do you any good to dwell on it for the rest of the day or the week or the year? Most people would agree that revisiting the argument over and over again serves no purpose other than to compromise their productivity and the quality of their life. It’s common sense. Focusing instead on the present and the future, on the rest of the day, enables you to go back to being your best self. Eventually, you will forget about the argument—and perhaps even try to mend fences with the other party.     

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Divorce litigation is expensive; everyone knows that. But did you know that if your attorneys don’t get along, the cost will be 20% higher?  

I was struck when I heard that fact mentioned at a panel discussion on the topic of what mediation clients can expect if they end up in court. One of the panel members was a Supreme Court referee who handles matrimonial cases; she mentioned a survey that showed that if your attorneys are fighting with each other for the sake of fighting, you and your spouse are going to pay this significantly higher cost.

Attorneys who don’t get along are likely to be inconsiderate of each other and will deny what may seem seem like reasonable requests to yousuch as requests to change a deposition or court date due to a work conflict you may have, or give extensions of time to hand over the extensive amount of documents they’ve requested. If your attorneys are hostile toward each other, you can be sure that your divorce will take much longer than it should and you and your spouse will experience greater conflict with each other. Unfortunately, some clients actually think paying the financial and emotional costs associated with this kind of behavior is a necessary sacrifice; they figure if their attorneys cooperate with each other, then they can’t really be advocating for them.

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Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser—in fees, expenses, and waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.

–  Abraham Lincoln

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When divorcing couples choose to negotiate the terms of their divorces outside of the court system—whether through mediation or collaborative law—they typically have the best intentions going into the process. They want to be fair to each other; they want to conserve time and money by staying out of court; they want to keep their kids out of their disagreements.

But as the process moves forward, some realizations quickly set in: Negotiating financial and child-related issues that affect an entire family is hard work and probably won’t happen as quickly as everyone wants. Emotions flare, and not everyone is able to be their best selves at all times.

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The primary function of a consulting attorney is to provide advice and counsel during the mediation process and provide the support you need to advocate for yourself. This is different from a “review attorney” whose primary job is to review the agreement that has been drafted after the mediation process is over. These are 2 very different roles. If you took my previous advice and are interviewing consulting attorneys, these are 3 important questions to ask.

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Mediation is a great process for maintaining limited involvement with attorneys, but they shouldn’t be shut out completely.

Recently I’ve spoken to a number of potential clients who are about to enter into the divorce process and want to use mediation. These clients come from different backgrounds and have different preconceived notions about mediation, but they all share the desire for an attorney-free divorce. And that is when I have the unenviable task of breaking the news to them: even in mediation, you need an attorney.

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One of the weaknesses of litigated divorce is that it encourages rigid thinking that stands in the way of compromise.

Choosing your battles wisely is an important strategy in all areas of life, including if you are in the process of divorce. Unfortunately, traditional divorce attorneys often neglect to give their clients this advice, encouraging them to fight for everything they say they want, regardless of how impractical, impossible or destructive it may be.  And when the other spouse inevitably takes opposite positions on those same issues, there’s nowhere to go but to the courthouse where both parties will be subjected to the slow-moving and very public litigation process.

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